Going through a divorce is difficult no matter who you are, but the vast majority of internet resources on the matter center on women. What many don’t realize is that divorce is often just as hard and confusing for men. If you find yourself in the middle of such a major life transition, use this guide to help you get through the process both financially and emotionally.
Keep the Focus on the Kids
If you have kids, they are going through the divorce with you. Seeing their parents separate can be quite difficult on children, so remember to keep them at the front of your mind and show them a bit of extra love. Try to stay as focused on their lives as possible. If necessary, keep a calendar of their school events and other activities, track when you spend time with them, and ensure you spend as much time with them as possible.
However, that doesn’t mean you need to try and buy their love. Although it might feel like the only way you can keep the kids interested in being around you, the opposite is true. Avoid overspending and instead focus on being a kind, fair parent. This will go much further not only in their eyes but in the court’s eyes.
Finally, never talk down about your kids’ other parent, no matter how messy the divorce is, or how angry and hurt you are. Your romantic relationship is not akin to their relationship with their parent. Talking down about your ex-spouse is likely to cause resentment in your children.
Know What Costs to Expect
Naturally, one of the biggest concerns when going through a divorce is how much it’s going to cost. In addition to hiring a divorce lawyer such as the ones from Cordell and Cordell, you’ll need to consider what other factors might cause the cost to rise.
Predicting the cost is practically impossible without hiring a lawyer to help you, but once you find one, you can consider your circumstances and the price tag on them. For example, if you’re dividing assets or deciding how much you’ll pay in alimony or child support, an expert witness may be required (and require compensation) if you and your ex cannot agree on the terms. Overall, the rule of thumb is that the longer you spend on the divorce or in the courtroom, the more money you’ll spend.
Understand It’s an Emotional Time
Men get the short end of the stick when it comes to society’s expectations about them expressing emotion. You may feel that you need to hold it all together and are unable to express your sadness or anger at such a life-changing situation, but that is not the case. Take time to feel your emotions. Don’t be afraid to cry, and never be scared to seek therapy to help you through the situation. In fact, therapy has proven to help many people going through difficult times to avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms such as too much alcohol, smoking, overeating, gambling, or even drugs.
Avoid Rushing Into a New Relationship
If you’re a man who is used to being in a committed relationship, it may be tempting to be a “serial monogamist” and jump right into another one. Lawyers from Cordell & Cordell caution against this, though. The turmoil of a divorce often has you not thinking correctly. In addition to being confusing for your children to potentially see you with a new partner so quickly, you could end up hurting your new partner if you realize that you tried to move on before you were ready. Finally, some judges in divorce cases view those who have moved onto new relationships quickly unfavorably, which could lead to you paying more than you expected in alimony or court fees you were supposed to split with your ex.
Divorce may be expected or unexpected, a happy parting or something you had hoped wouldn’t happen. Regardless of the reasons behind yours, it is a major life change. Keeping these tips in mind can help you navigate the situation with a bit more ease.